im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
