so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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