I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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