Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
