I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
