Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
