I'm really into asian looking animals
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
