o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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