my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
