my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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