I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
