Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
