I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you would pick up someone in the library
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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