What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
