I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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