My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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