Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
