So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't want my vagina anymore.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
