Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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