your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she pinky promised me she was 18
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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