I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
pray to the hookup gods
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
