my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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