don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize