Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
