i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
