Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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