he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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