Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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