It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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