I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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