It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
