i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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