So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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