Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
