I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
