Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
