what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
