I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
