CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
