he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
