tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
