Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
