Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
