I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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