M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
