you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
