well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
