you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
