woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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