low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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