they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
