I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
