when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
