i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I party with great urgency now.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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