This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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