I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
high people should be assigned attendants
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize