sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
