The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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