Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
