I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
