Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
