OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
