he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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