I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
