I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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