You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
