The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
