Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
