I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
