Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
