Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize