you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
