In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
