The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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