Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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