wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
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