I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
