with your own penis?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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