Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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