I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
