somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
