apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
