Already got asked if we're dating
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
