You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
