i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
