I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
