I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
