My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize