My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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