Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize