I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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