your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize