I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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