what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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