Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
