is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
