You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
