I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
