I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
