Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I need moral support for this bender
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
