he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
