tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
false alarm, still single
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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