oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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