I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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