Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
