i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
