i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
