Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
