Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Randomize
