Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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