ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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