im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize