Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
