I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
