I heard we made out
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
