I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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