She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize