YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
