**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
