shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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