He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
