i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dick very happy bro
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
