listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
