I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
